Let's Talk About Fear
Updated: Mar 7
Oooohhh… I felt you cringe from here.
What is it about fear that causes us to physically, mentally, and emotionally retract?
Fear makes people uncomfortable. No one wants to be seen as fearful. Why? Because unless you’re a child, fear tends to have a negative connotation. And, hey, nobody likes to talk about their shortcomings. I mean, we’re told to put on a brave face, push through, or suck it up, buttercup. Right? No one wants to deal with fear. And yet we should because most of the world’s problems come down to one thing – you guessed it, FEAR!
So, let’s throw it out on the table. Everyone is afraid of something. EVERYONE! Oh some may cover it up better or have it to a lesser degree, but there is still some fear present. To be honest, I think it's a by-product of our ego and humanness.
There are are a couple types of fear.
Some are intrinsic, instinctual.
Some fears are taught. We’ve had a bad experience that’s made us fearful of repeating it. For example,
You’re afraid of dogs because you were bitten by one. Or
You’ve picked up your fears from your parents. Maybe your mother was afraid of dogs and now you’re afraid of them even though you’ve never had a bad experience.
Other fears are based in emotions. For example,
You’re afraid to make the wrong decision.
You’re afraid to answer and look stupid.
You’re afraid you won’t find love if you don’t look like everyone else.
But here’s the thing, many of our fears are unrealistic and irrational.
Can you see it?
Every dog is different. Just because someone else is afraid doesn’t mean you have to be. Decisions aren’t right or wrong, they just have consequences. You can’t be expected to know everything. And the right person will love you for more than your looks.
Instead of accepting our fears as they stand, we need to dive into them.
This analysis is known in some circles as shadow work. Now, don’t get all weirded out. It just means we’re taking a deeper look behind things that make us uncomfortable. We need to sit with our fears and feel into them. Why are you afraid? Where does this fear come from? Is it from a personal experience or something you picked up from someone else? Is the outcome you're afraid of assured? Do you have a physical reason to be afraid or is it purely emotional? If emotional, what kind of emotions does the fear evoke? You need to spend time with your fears and pick them apart all the way down to the core issue creating them.
This can be a long and emotional exercise, but it is so worth it.
Now I know many of you are going to say “but, Pam, I don’t know what the outcome will be. That’s why I’m afraid.” I get it. The unknown can be a scary place, but here’s the thing – no one KNOWS everything. That’s what trust and faith are all about. When you step into the unknown, you show the Universe/God/Spirit your faith in them and your trust in yourself. Doesn’t that sound so much better than being afraid? Besides, most fear comes from one place. It’s the one you’ll likely find as you drill down in the above exercise.
For example, I was afraid to be myself. I hid my "witchy" gifts and interests for years. When I started diving into why, I came to understand my fear was based in not being accepted by others and that they would think I was crazy. As I dove down even further, I realized this fear stemmed from my how my parents felt about my gifts. This was when I first changed my persona to match someone else's expectations - a pattern followed by a lot of Sensitive Women.