Updated: Dec 11, 2020
The one thing behind most fears is our ego. Your ego is the way you self identify. It can also be a heartless bitch who "wants you to be thinking about the past and future."
Your ego needs to feed itself in this way to exist. But that can create problems for you. Why? Because you end up living in the past or anticipating the future instead of enjoying the present.
Egos love the past. They enjoy bringing up all our failures and wrongdoings. The ego can't wait to remind you of the times you weren't enough in someone else's eyes. It wants you to revisit those times where you felt small and insignificant.
Your ego also likes to feed your fear of the future. It wants you to worry and fret and play the "what if" game. It doesn't want you making a decision. Your ego doesn't want you to reach out and grow. It prefers you paralyzed because it's comfortable with the status quo. As Deepak Chopra once put it "The ego is your self-image; it is your social mask; it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control, and it is sustained by power, because it lives in fear".
These are the reasons Sensitive Women remain hidden.
Our egos remind us of the rejection we felt from others when we displayed our gifts. We change so we can feel accepted outwardly, but inwardly our soul cries for us to be genuine. When we attempt to course correct, our egos challenge us by either reminding us of the past or having us stress over the future. It doesn't really mean to screw with us. The ego is designed to protect us. The problem is it does so in a bubble, so we have to evaluate our response when it kicks in. You don't want it to stand in the way of your growth "simply because you feel fear, threat, or embarrassment."
So how do we take control of our egos? The first step is to recognize our emotions. Did you have a knee jerk reaction to the situation? This is a sure sign ego is involved. It wants to keep us safe so it's going to react immediately. When that happens, it's time to stop, pause, and evaluate. What are you feeling? (Note: Some women react one way when they actually feel another. I have a friend who cries when she's mad. So, it may require some digging to determine the exact emotion.) Then fact check your reaction.
Where is the emotion coming from? Is it reasonable or is it coming from a past experience? Is it because you're comparing yourself to someone else? Or is it because you're going through worst case scenarios?
It's okay to be emotional.
In fact as Sensitive Women, it's one of our greatest super powers. The idea is to not let the emotions prevent us from being present, growing, and moving forward. So, accept the emotions then analyze them. (For certain Sensitive Women, this may even involve determining if the emotions are theirs or someone else's.) The idea is to figure out if your response is reasonable or something triggering your ego. Once you know that, you have the capability of controlling how you react. And that is a beautiful place to be.
(In an upcoming blog, I'll talk about releasing past emotional baggage and how it's a major step towards embracing your gifts.)