Have you ever wanted to really do something, but you stopped yourself?
Have you ever wondered why?
There are a myriad of reasons we limit our own growth. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Belief that we aren't capable of doing those things. Belief that we aren't deserving. Concern about how we'll be viewed. Worry about being accepted.
We constantly get in our own way. We overthink the what ifs of the future and get influenced by the voices of our past.
These things leave us in a holding pattern, one that stagnates our growth. They infiltrate our life, preventing us from doing the very things that would feed our souls, and bring us the most joy and satisfaction.
So, why do we limit growth?
Remember when you were a small child and you were fearless?
You didn't let anything get in your way. You led with your heart and followed your curiosity. You were all in. You tried new things, failed, tried again. You weren't worried about what others thought. They never even came into the equation. You didn't compare yourself to anyone else. There was no reason to. You were too focused on yourself and what you wanted. And you did everything with the utmost abandon.
And then things started to change...
Oh, it was subtle. Your parents started to direct your activities more. Maybe, they pulled you away from something you enjoyed. Instead, they pushed you towards something else because they thought it was better for you. They started to expose you to their beliefs on who you should be, what you should do, and how you should act.
Unfortunately, kids tend to be very black and white in their thinking. Things are right or wrong, good or bad. So, as your parents began to foist their opinions on you, you began to change to fit in with their ideals. You started to see the things you were enjoying, but they disapproved of, as something to avoid. You began to feel their love was predicated on you pleasing them by being compliant with their wishes.
And those influences continued when you headed to school. Here, more well-meaning adults, in the form of teachers, started putting in their two cents about you and your interests. Additionally, you began to get scored on how you did against others. You were compared and contrasted. You succeeded or you failed. But, it was all based on someone else's expectations of what was acceptable and what wasn't.
Then, there was added pressure to get along with the others. You were expected to be deferential to those in authority and play nice with the other kids. And so you began to feel the need to fit in. You learned there were consequences for being different and those lessons could be quite harsh, like getting bullied.
All of these influences start to affect us - how we see ourselves, what we believe, and how we think others will react. And we begin to let this knowledge guide our decisions. They start directing where and how we grow. Worse, they start pulling us away from our authenticity and, thus, our souls. We start limiting our own growth.
So, how do we get around these influences?
The first step is recognizing they actually exist.
You need to open your eyes to the possibility that not everything you grew up believing is actually based on facts. You are a compilation of others' opinions, beliefs, desires, and influences, just as they are a product of the same. And these influences can be from your current life or they can be from generations and generations previous to now. They may come from your own family or they may be from society at large. But, you need to recognize they exist and have existed for centuries, especially when it comes to women.
This was a huge breakthrough for me when I was rebuilding my life and rediscovering myself after the death of my first husband and ending up unemployed and homeless. As I began to reconnect with my soul, I started to see how much I had changed myself in the name of love and acceptance. It was a rather rude awakening, but also one I am extremely grateful for because it helped me unleash my inner sorceress. (Your inner sorceress is the powerful and creative source inside every woman. She wants to design a life where she feels whole, empowered, and at peace.)
I began to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about myself. I re-ignited my inner child and began reveling in my curiosity. I explored anything that sparked my interest. I treated life as an experiment, testing and evaluating things to see if they felt right. And I didn't let anyone tell me different.
I have to admit it caused some conflicts. There were people who had gotten used to the old me and weren't thrilled with the changes I was making. Still, I stuck with it. I chose not to not limit my growth. And while some people exited my life, others came into it. These individuals were more aligned with the me I was creating, or actually rediscovering, instead of the person I had been pretending to be. (Even though, I didn't realize I was pretending at the time.)
I began actively creating a life from my soul and I haven't looked back. You should too.
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BTW, I started recognizing just how I was limiting myself when I began questioning things.
You'll find the same questions I asked in the Discovering You Journal below.
Just click the image, if you'd like to check them out. They're free.
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